Helen Horswood

 

I was privileged to know Helen and call her my friend.

She had such a lovely way of caring – a subtle way of including people and nurturing them with her great food and plentiful supply of champers. I recall the early days when she’d say “come over for a drink” I was soon to realise that was a very loose use of the singular. But we had fun. Playing 500, speed patience, sipping mulled wine in winter, music, plenty of conversation, lively debate, - it was fun.

Quite a number of memories flood in when I think about her. Examples of how she subtly invited people over who were having a bit of a tough time – wanting them to feel included and supported through her food and gathering people together. She had a strong sense of community – she created community. She’d quietly support people in tough times not expecting anything in return.

I recall walking with her from Coles in Grand Central to Myer – for those not local this is about 500m. It took half an hour. She knew everyone and everyone knew her. She asked people about themselves – relevant questions that they appreciated. It was always about other people. A recent example of this was when she was waiting in x ray at St Andrew’s about 6 weeks ago she recognised a woman in the waiting room and pointed her out to me saying she was a Downlands Mum. To me the woman looked uncomfortable, a bit teary not able to have eye contact with Helen. Helen said “oh she looks upset I hope she hasn’t had bad news”..............talk about selfless! I couldn’t help but blurt out – she’s probably heard about you! She dismissed this saying she hoped everything was alright.

Helen God love her could be stubborn – which of course is only a synonym for determined. ...and when she was very determined she could get bossy. But in the scheme of things she was a diamond with many facets and very few flaws. An example about a client she worked with - dragged him kicking screaming (both figuratively and literally I suspect) to speech therapy appointments. She knew it would work well for him. When the project finished he spoke publicly to acknowledge Helen and we all understood every word.

I would like people to know that when Helen returned from her trip in July she believed she would go through whatever treatment was required so she could then have some quality of life for the next 6 months. She appreciated people giving her that space to do the chemo and radiotherapy and felt that this would give her the opportunity to re-charge the batteries and get on top of things. Sadly this was not to be. However I want to assure you all that you were in her thoughts and she appreciated your love, your support, your food, your positive thoughts, your puppies, your organisational skills, your nursing skills, your patience, your kindness, your cards, your flowers, everything. At one stage she said she was fortunate to have such good people around her – I said good people attract good people.

Above all she amazed me. Her strength and determination; her ability to bring people together and connect them; her passion for work with those who lived with mental illness and her quest to improve their lives; her creativity; her skill and love that she put into her sewing; her consideration of others- always; and her absolute love for both her daughters Deserae and Jenna of whom she is very proud.  If it was in anyway up to Helen (or any of us) she’d still be here with you. Her love and that of your Dad will live on in your hearts. Helen, I will miss you dearly.

Love Kathryn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clearly like all of you I can not believe that I am standing here again paralyzed by grief – seriously fearful of using this time to speak about Helen but equally fearful not to. Bear with me if you can for just a little while whilst I try and reflect on Helens involvement in my life and the lives of others.

 

Helen and I met as naive 17 year olds who thought they could change the world by being nurses. We lived in the nurse’s home and as people would know who have had similar dormitory experiences – intense and lasting friendships are easily created in this mad environment – where young people escape from the restrictions of their past. This marked the beginning of our friendship which lasted a lifetime – but as time would tell - not lifetime enough.

We both shared country values – hers true country – mine just perhaps a consequence of living in the city with country type parents. Never the less – we did over the next three years – not only try (and did) become nurses – but also tried to become more worldly young women.... or something to that affect. We were to be fair what you would call the good naughty girls together....always trying to stay true to our values – but pushing the envelope on many occasions and trying equally as hard not to get caught for anything really bad.

 

We did in this time learn how to climb out windows after curfew....hang out with some undesirables and still come to work in true caring mode – having partied all night.... and all the stuff that dreams are made of – well not exactly!!!. The bigger thing was we were developing and learning to form friendships that would last forever and ever.... we were indeed learning to grow old together. I do recall from that time – that we were also learning to cook – (yes there was a point in Helens life where she could not cook either). We did in fact learn most from our Asian contemporaries on how to do the most amazing things with two minute noodles – and realised pretty early that these were the girls who you really needed to befriend as they ensured that you were fed at the end of a hard day....that or Kentucky fried from around the corner of the nurses home at least.

 

This period was filled with many private conversations, our beginning of the exploration of life, much laughter, many tears – probably an introduction to bubbles (was there actually a time when we did not drink???)  and all of this in an environment of caring for sick and vulnerable people in a very draconian environment. In fact, what we were learning most, was to actually grow up – at really very young ages. Helen after this time decided to do psych and I geriatrics but we managed to fit in many experiences and parties with shared friends and acquaintances...and I managed to live my single life vicariously through Helens litany of gorgeous hunky boyfriends as I was married by this time.

 

We then continued our friendship when we both ended up at Lidcombe hospital and this became a focus for both of us of many lasting friendships that are represented here today. It was in this environment that she met one seriously cute curly headed spunk – introduced by me no less – and the rest as they say is history.

 

With marriage now occurring as part of their journey – (what a magnificent bride she was) their futures were destined to be more distant than the old Bankstown or Lidcombe hospitals and the north coast beckoned.

Strength of relationship though outlives geographical difference. Our lives continued to intersect – but living in different states did bring different challenges at different times in terms of staying in contact. Always though there was the bond - the connection of friendship and in times of both happiness and crisis hands reached out and were always held. The good naughty little gals from Bankstown Hospital could always pull together and be for each other – if time and circumstance really required it.

 

Helen continued to work on her many talents particularly that of being a most amazing seamstress. I have in fact an amazing christening outfit that Helen made for me for my first child Mat – far too pretty for a “him” thought it awaits granddaughters warmth within it one day. She was indeed so talented and so creative – and also beautiful– shit!!! ...it should have been much harder being her friend!!! But of course it was not... as she was also loving, generous and embracing – and these are the qualities that continue to be articulated today amongst many of her friends and family.

 

But of course her greatest and most admired talent by her and others was that of being a mother…..and the reciprocal joy and love that that bought is clear to us all in her and Keith’s remarkable baby gals who have become beautiful women that we come to support today.

 

Helens and Keith’s life and the lives of Des and Jen as a family continued to provide great joy to those within that unit as well as to those who could observe its specialness from afar. I am sure many of you, as we did, observed this in some awe as they set a serious benchmark for us all in the way of family and interactions between adults and children. Jen and Des have both talked to me, and I am sure others, about their fairy tale childhood and teenage hood - which was firstly shattered by Keith’s illness and subsequent death. Helen and the girls proved to be amazing carers and supporters of Keith through this difficult time – and leaned even more heavily upon on each other and pulled on their combined strengths of the past to attempt to navigate this difficult time.

 

To help assist healing at this time – and to fulfil some long desired dreams, Helen came to Europe with Mal and I to “do Italy and France” and then follow up with Ireland with Jill who was going to meet her in England. This was an amazing gift now as it turns out – but one which I am yet not able to reflect upon in its enormity because of the pain it creates. What no one can take away from us though is walking the Cinque Terre, reaching the top of Mount Blanc, sitting in coffee shops in Rome and partying in Antibes…oh yeh lots of partying. The highlight of the trip for all of us was staying with friends in the French Alps with Helen and I fighting each other to get up the earliest to make each other a coffee and sit on the balcony of this most amazing vista….and breathe it all in. Through of all of this Helen continued to get sick – in a way that we dismissed as being a flu– a long lasting cold – grief etc….but her and I shared a secrete fear that something was not quiet right…..something we only admitted to one another at 3am in a hospital bed many weeks later.   

 

That being so I reflect on the strength and courage of someone who had so much assault occurring in their body who chose to do so much on this holiday…and achieve some of her dreams of travel…which was meant to punctuate the rest of her life.

 

These memories are bitter sweet for Mal and I and we actually struggle to reflect on this holiday because of the final outcome. That being so, Like Des and Jen, I hope we will be able to over time reflect on the significance of what we had – and not on what we have lost……and use that to define us for the future ahead.

 

The eight weeks of Helens illness were very tough and I know she would want me to offer a special thank you to the wonderful people who allowed her to do her living and dying in her way. Obviously Des and Jenna were the most amazing and loving carers supported by a wonderful caring team of people who circled her with much love – largely orchestrated by the amazing Katherine and the equally amazing Dan. To the girl’s friends it has been an absolute honor to share this journey with you and I know that we are all confident that you will continue to circle these special young women with your love and caring forever and ever more. We have all shared an experience which will change us forever... but will equally bond us in a way that could only be blessed by an angel.

 

At a personal level, from this day on I have an intention to reflect on Helen as someone who has contributed so significantly to my life and given me the freedom “to fly” knowing that there is always somewhere safe to roost. 

Who has allowed me to breathe when I feel I can not breathe who has sustained me with the love the laughter and unconditional acceptance of who I am. The coffees, the champagnes, the meals the laughter, the tears, the joy, the sadness, the grief’s the “us’ shared with such commitment.

 

I will remember you in every sunrise in every sunset, in dolphins, in giraffes, in frogs, in travel, in Rome in Paris in cook books, in bubbles, but most importantly in the eyes of Des and Jenna – and I will, as promised to you on your last day on this earth, do that often.

 

So Helen so hard to say goodbye but your legacy of love and caring is safe – we are forever connected because of your selfless contribution to all of our lives. I am in absolute awe of the wonderment of the fact that out of all the people in the universe, we could make contact with one another and share each others journey in this way. Thank you for just being you in all your unique and wonderful magnificence and most importantly for sharing those qualities with me… thankyou for the gift of being me.

Ps thanks mate for the gift I won the other day – you knew I needed the perfume and that made me cry with the appropriateness – Forever and ever by Dior – blew my mind -  but did you also have to include the eye cream for ageing skin and the hand cream for age spots…so tacky!!! – but I get the point!!!.

Pps…..thanks also for sending to our home the loud bull frog ...he came back on Thursday night ....he croaks nightly now to remind me of you…Heleni – be safe – keep dancing with that gorgeous curly headed man  – and turn up that music you two – love you both

Shaz

xx